WARNING! The above abbreviation is for Mother Of All Rants. SO if you don’t want to read it, please exit the blog now. The little red X and the address bar are located conveniently at the top of your screen for your exiting pleasure. For the rest of you somewhat deranged individuals who chose to continue forth into the exhaustive and lurid ramblings, things that piss me of, and pet peeves that will be the subject of this little tirade, please fasten your seat belts, return your seats and tray tables to their upright and locked position, and hold on.
Work:
Recently we’ve lost a large customer of ours for this division. This customer comprised such a large part that I reduced my department by half the staff and by OVER half the hours. We reduced the staff in another department by some as well. Now while this is all part of business and is the way of the economy, I can’t help but feel bad for those individuals who we had to “downsize”. At the same time one might think “oh that’s great Preston, you won’t have to be on call 24 hours a day anymore!” Well think again my friends. While I am not on call 24 hours a day that leaves me being the sole person who has the not so glorified position of putting in unholy long hours to keep things flowing at a reasonable pace and keeping the rest of the plant at their 40 hours a week. Yes folks you heard right, it falls solely on myself. An example of this would be this week. Monday 0640 to 1745, Tuesday 0500 to 2100, Wednesday 0600 to 1830, and Thursday (today) 0600 to ???. When my boss asked me Wednesday night if there was anything else I needed him for I stated that I was very tired and would like to go home if he wanted to stay for about another hour and shut down the plant, he laughed and said no, then left. This just reiterated the one fact that I’ve known to be self evident for quite some time now. This one shining fact in all that is my work world right now is that I am taken advantage of every day. I’m expected to go above and beyond the call of duty every day. If I don’t I receive a slap on the hand asking “why didn’t you do this?”. In case some of you have been inquiring about the pissed off and unhappy nature of my status messages, this would be the reason as of late.
Personal:
I have been going through a lot of financially and emotionally trying times lately. The least of which is the financial aspect and while I am still so poor I can’t even pay attention, life goes on and money does keep flowing in, albeit at a pace which is totally unacceptable to my creditors. My family problems in Oklahoma have stretched on for a totally unacceptable amount of time due to the DHS and the police department dragging their feet and “uncovering new evidence.” Needless to say, there is a lot of shit going on that my family in OK needs all the prayers and well wishes they can get right now. It’s amazing what trouble one disgruntled 19yo skank whore from hell can cause when her meal ticket is taken away from her.
Relationship:
As I’m sure the entire free world knows I am still single and actually very much enjoying not having any attachments. I’m at a phase in my life where I know what I want from a man and a relationship and will not settle for anything less. As a result pickings are kinda slim. I have been talking to an amazing guy who we seem very much compatible on every level thus far. At the same time I know he is somewhat reserved and shy and doesn’t want to be rushed into anything. I can totally understand this but you all know me. If I find someone I like I want to pursue something with them even so much as just spending an evening together once in a while watching a movie or what not. I tend to be both emotionally and mentally driven in order accomplish my goals in relationships. If I want to spend time with someone because I’m interested in them, I want to spend as much time as possible with that person and get to know them to see what develops. Sometimes it’s hard to be reserved about so as not to scare away potential suitors. But we shall see what the future holds.
One of the biggest pet peeves I have in the relationship department though is when talking to someone if that person says “oh yes I like you I want to spend time with you.” And then makes no effort to fulfill that statement. You make offers to accommodate their schedule however it feels as though none is made on their part. So why waste your time on this person? That’s a good question and frankly I don’t think there is a legitimate answer to that.
Kids these days:
OH MY GOD this is where the true title of this post comes in. I keep hearing about things that kids are doing in this day and age at a much younger age than they should be and doing things that no one should be doing. I come from a conservative up bringing where if you were having sex before marriage or the age of 25, it was taboo for it to be known or discussed. I myself became sexually active at a fairly early age, much earlier than I should have I can guarantee you that but what can ya do right? I recently heard of someone’s daughter being heard having sex at the age of 14 outside, in the driveway, between the car and the house with a young man of the age of 16. All I can say is OH MY FREAKING GOD!!!! What the hell are these kids these days thinking?! Have these kids never heard of AIDS, HIV, herpes, syphilis, hepatitis, or any of the other countless STD’s that one can contract?!?! My advice to any and all parents out there, at the age of 13 from the onset of puberty, drag your child to the local health department and put them through the full battery of testing. It’s free and humbling. Afterwards explain to them that this humbling part of having sex (being watched by a room full of people at such a young age going through STD screening) is a package deal if they want to stay healthy. I myself have too many friends who are HIV+ or have an incurable disease as a result of someone they were with in the past, not doing preventative screening.
Also as of late I’ve noticed a lot of kids and people who are certainly more “mouthy” than what they should be. A little big for their britches if you ask me. It is a huge pet peeve of mine and a major source of wanting to shake parents until they themselves have some sort of sense knocked into them to see them allow their child to run amok without the slightest inkling of how to control them. “We don’t hit our children” or “time-outs work just fine for discipline” or the best one yet “well he’s grounded so we don’t have to worry”. How about a big line of BULLSHIT! MY FREAKIN GOD! I was raised with the knowledge that if I stepped out of line I’d either be wearing a hand print across my face from one of my parents or my ass would be so sore I couldn’t sit down for a few hours from the fine touch of a dead cow’s skin crafted into a lovely size 34 to 36 belt. Having this knowledge did not stop me from acting out or getting out of line from time to time but I certainly learned my lesson when I did. Many times I came away with the thought “I pushed mom too far on that one” or “don’t fuck with dad”. I thank my parents every day for the corporal punishment which was administered during my child hood because it made me into the person I am today. While I will not have children so I can’t say what I would do in that situation after having a child of my own but I can just about 99.99% assurance that I would not hesitate to spank my child. And while I was growing up I certainly wouldn’t EVER look at one of my parents and say “fuck you” or even swear in their presence otherwise whoever was there would witness exactly the wrath I would face for such irreverence.
*RANT OFF*
Okay boys and girls on to happier things. Nick and I are back on speaking terms at least for now till one of us has another meltdown. This last one was me. I freaked out over finances and took it out very unjustly on him. I think I shall focus my anger elsewhere, like at my boss (see above) HAHAHA. Now that I have all this off my chest and into electronic format for the voyeurs of my mind to peruse at their leisure, I’m going to end it here. Have a wonderful evening and always remember: a lot of people are like slinkies, absolutely useless for anything imaginable but you still can’t help but smile when you push one down the stairs.
~Preston
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
A Tale of Tales
As many of you know, and if you don’t you’ve been living under a rock for the past 3 months, I am now single and while the break up has had its ups and downs, blood shed and tear stains, it has been for the best. I can honestly say I’m happier now than I have been in a long time overall. Yes you will have the posts from me when I just need to unload since I don’t have someone right here to do that with. Even when I did, I’m such a private individual that I usually just like to pour things out in a heap into this wonderful online journal and let the masses sort it out without having to hear any rebuttals about how I should be feeling.
Life is always a series of ups and downs and right now things seem to be on the upswing. I’ve met someone who thus far seems to be a complete match in every way but time will tell. Things are to be taken slow, learning everything about one another there is to know then eventually march down the aisle of cohabitation seeing as we can’t quite get married. I had a wonderful weekend with Mikey who is in from California currently visiting and I hadn’t quite realized how much I missed him until I hugged him for the first time in almost a year. One of the people that know me best in the world, often times my partner in some sort of drunken hyjinx, and the shoulder I need from time to time Mikey is one in a million and for that I thank the diety of your choice for having him in my life.
Work will be becoming very interesting here soon. I can’t discuss it here as of yet but something big is coming. So if I’m putting in some extra time at work, don’t say you weren’t warned.
As far as where I will be in the future, that has still yet to be determined. I have a lot of options available to me right now, and frankly I don’t know which one I want. I’m growing accustomed to sleeping alone and although I don’t like it, it is one of those things I must do for now. One day though I will have the house in the country with the man of my dreams beside me every night. Some people don’t understand how I can miss being in the middle of nowhere so much. It’s quite simple really. It’s where I’m from and who I am. I may be a gay man, but that doesn’t mean I can’t want to be able to get up at the ass crack of dawn to go out exploring on my property to listen to nature, and just hear the silence that only being out in the middle of nowhere can bring. If it’s something you’ve never done in your existence, I highly recommend it. It is both humbling and empowering at the same time. A time when a person can truly reflect on who they are and discover things about oneself you never knew existed. I know so many people that think they must live in a populous so they can be accepted and loved. That’s all fine and dandy however you never really truly discover yourself. I’ve done a lot of different things in my life trying to discover who I am and what I want out of life and the one thing that seems to hold true is sitting on a stump in the woods listening, watching, waiting, thinking, and discovering. Discovering what is a typical response to that statement and the answer is quite simple…everything.
Think of life in terms of who you are in the world. In the grand scheme of things we are each pretty insignificant. One person who will occupy a biochemical marvel known as the human body that will remain on earth for a predetermined amount of time that none of us know. Our fate and destiny is controlled by forces all around us. I can only think of one analogy right now to describe it. We are a tree. We have an effect on everything around us. Sometimes we are leaned on by others when they need support. Sometimes we can be destroyed by fire, and other times, it is fire that is our saving grace allowing us to flourish and giving us the things we need to become bigger and stronger. We leave little parts of us with those who come near us either in the form of ideas or seeds that grow and become another great tree, or sometimes in the form of a passing look as if someone looked at our leaves and said “wow that’s a beautiful leaf” and we are easily forgotten. While I know I’m grasping at acorns as it were, I think you all know what I’m trying to say. We are here for a purpose and we can only discover that purpose by discovering who we really are. Some guys like to go out and party all the time and they say “that’s who I am, I’m a party animal!” While that is all well and good, how do you feel when you’re alone? Are you on your phone texting or calling to find out when and where the next drunken debauchery is going to take place or do you take time to enjoy your alone time and think about some of the good things you’ve done and where you are in life. If you take time to think of where you are in life, ask yourself the question “am I where I want to be?” If you’re not then I would suggest thinking of how you can get to where you want to be. What amount of hard work will it take to get there? If you do this, I assure you, you will be happier with yourself, and then you can truly be happy with the one you love.
Along those lines, there are times when we just need to sit back and appreciate what we do have. So many times I myself think my life is so bad, because I don’t have enough money to do this, or wish things were different etc. At the same time, when I have my more lucid moments, I know I have a lot to be thankful for. In today’s economy, I have a job that pays me a decent wage, I have a car, I have a phone, a computer, a family that loves me, friends that care about me, and maybe someone who will want to spend his life with me in the future. I have things pretty good compared to some yet there are times when I feel as though I have nothing and am a failure often times because I never went to college. In a nutshell, and I hate to cut this off here but I must get to bed, just stop, think, and reflect on yourself. Are you really who you want to be?
~Preston
Life is always a series of ups and downs and right now things seem to be on the upswing. I’ve met someone who thus far seems to be a complete match in every way but time will tell. Things are to be taken slow, learning everything about one another there is to know then eventually march down the aisle of cohabitation seeing as we can’t quite get married. I had a wonderful weekend with Mikey who is in from California currently visiting and I hadn’t quite realized how much I missed him until I hugged him for the first time in almost a year. One of the people that know me best in the world, often times my partner in some sort of drunken hyjinx, and the shoulder I need from time to time Mikey is one in a million and for that I thank the diety of your choice for having him in my life.
Work will be becoming very interesting here soon. I can’t discuss it here as of yet but something big is coming. So if I’m putting in some extra time at work, don’t say you weren’t warned.
As far as where I will be in the future, that has still yet to be determined. I have a lot of options available to me right now, and frankly I don’t know which one I want. I’m growing accustomed to sleeping alone and although I don’t like it, it is one of those things I must do for now. One day though I will have the house in the country with the man of my dreams beside me every night. Some people don’t understand how I can miss being in the middle of nowhere so much. It’s quite simple really. It’s where I’m from and who I am. I may be a gay man, but that doesn’t mean I can’t want to be able to get up at the ass crack of dawn to go out exploring on my property to listen to nature, and just hear the silence that only being out in the middle of nowhere can bring. If it’s something you’ve never done in your existence, I highly recommend it. It is both humbling and empowering at the same time. A time when a person can truly reflect on who they are and discover things about oneself you never knew existed. I know so many people that think they must live in a populous so they can be accepted and loved. That’s all fine and dandy however you never really truly discover yourself. I’ve done a lot of different things in my life trying to discover who I am and what I want out of life and the one thing that seems to hold true is sitting on a stump in the woods listening, watching, waiting, thinking, and discovering. Discovering what is a typical response to that statement and the answer is quite simple…everything.
Think of life in terms of who you are in the world. In the grand scheme of things we are each pretty insignificant. One person who will occupy a biochemical marvel known as the human body that will remain on earth for a predetermined amount of time that none of us know. Our fate and destiny is controlled by forces all around us. I can only think of one analogy right now to describe it. We are a tree. We have an effect on everything around us. Sometimes we are leaned on by others when they need support. Sometimes we can be destroyed by fire, and other times, it is fire that is our saving grace allowing us to flourish and giving us the things we need to become bigger and stronger. We leave little parts of us with those who come near us either in the form of ideas or seeds that grow and become another great tree, or sometimes in the form of a passing look as if someone looked at our leaves and said “wow that’s a beautiful leaf” and we are easily forgotten. While I know I’m grasping at acorns as it were, I think you all know what I’m trying to say. We are here for a purpose and we can only discover that purpose by discovering who we really are. Some guys like to go out and party all the time and they say “that’s who I am, I’m a party animal!” While that is all well and good, how do you feel when you’re alone? Are you on your phone texting or calling to find out when and where the next drunken debauchery is going to take place or do you take time to enjoy your alone time and think about some of the good things you’ve done and where you are in life. If you take time to think of where you are in life, ask yourself the question “am I where I want to be?” If you’re not then I would suggest thinking of how you can get to where you want to be. What amount of hard work will it take to get there? If you do this, I assure you, you will be happier with yourself, and then you can truly be happy with the one you love.
Along those lines, there are times when we just need to sit back and appreciate what we do have. So many times I myself think my life is so bad, because I don’t have enough money to do this, or wish things were different etc. At the same time, when I have my more lucid moments, I know I have a lot to be thankful for. In today’s economy, I have a job that pays me a decent wage, I have a car, I have a phone, a computer, a family that loves me, friends that care about me, and maybe someone who will want to spend his life with me in the future. I have things pretty good compared to some yet there are times when I feel as though I have nothing and am a failure often times because I never went to college. In a nutshell, and I hate to cut this off here but I must get to bed, just stop, think, and reflect on yourself. Are you really who you want to be?
~Preston
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