Adventure is sought in many different forms by many different people. Some look at adventure as the thrill of the riding the world’s tallest roller coaster. Others see a grand adventure in the pages of a well written novel. Everyone has some degree of curiosity about the next grand excursion be it one taken in the mind or one taken around the land, air, or water. Sometimes we are so desperate for the next escapade that we uproot our whole existence for the excitement of something new or something different. When I moved to Ohio in 2002 it was for the love of my bf and for the challenge of new place. A new venue to spread my wings and explore the unknown. Sadly though, when our relationship ended so did the desire for him to live near his family and he moved back to Oklahoma, the place of my heritage. I opted to stay here in Ohio because I had a decent job, friends, and was having fun. Since then my longing to return to my roots has done nothing but continue to grow. So much so that when I visited my family over Christmas, even with all of my responsibilities here I didn’t want to come back. I wanted to remain close to the ones I’ve known the longest. Stand beside then when they need me, visit my mom and dad every weekend and help them since, as is the case so many times, they got old over night. I visited them and they were fine, young and vibrant so full of life, and now when I visit, they are old and almost fragile but still very full of life and vitality. I fear losing one or both of them with every fiber of my being before I’m ready; before I’ve made my home and my life closer to theirs again.
Sometimes being gay is more difficult than a heterosexual person can fathom. I will have no children to take care of me when I grow old. I have no rights to marry the one I love so if he or I were to pass prematurely the estate would pass to the other. I will have no family members to celebrate my life if I pass at a ripe old age being the youngest of my family and alienated from my nieces and nephews. Family is one of the few things I cherish in my life and with each passing day it’s becoming more difficult to be separated from my blood by what feels like an entire world. While I have the few friends I have left here and my boyfriend. It still leaves me partially empty not being able to go see my mom on a random day and call her when I’m on the way to ask if she can make one of my favorite meals for dinner. It hurts knowing that I cannot be greeted with that warm smile that only a southern parent/grandparent can have and the hug that only a mom can give. At this very moment, my life seems to be a huge disappointment with a few scattered bright spots.
That’s all the dribble you get for now.
~Preston
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Thoughts and Props
We live in an online world. Everything is available to us via Google. If there is anything in the world that you need or want to read, see, view, or listen to, Google will probably have it or have a way to get to it. Try it sometime. However, this era of information at the speed of light, is accompanied by personal information at the speed of light. Your diary or blog or live journal or whatever you would like to call it, for example. You’ve put it online for all your friends and the voyeurs of your mind to read and browse at their leisure. This very blog for example is a way for me to release. A way for me to let my mind simply flow forth into words forming the occasional eloquent statement afforded by my limited literary ability. I scribe the entries to the clutches of the internet when time allows and thoughts are invoked. Sometimes I write because I want to put out there something I’ve learned and value. Sometimes I just write because it’s something I enjoy doing. Other times I hope it can inspire others who desire to scrawl their mental stirrings onto electronic paper for the world to see.
Recently though I have been shown, yet again, how regressive, juvenile, and blatantly ignorant of others people can be. Although those of us who chose to post or publish take a well known risk in putting our scribbles out for the general public to read, we never intend for someone to use this information against us or to prey on our insecurities. While we do allow comments and replies to our entries, (at least for me) this is more so to become a better writer or person or to simply allow someone who was affected by these writings to let me know how they were affected. I do not intend for this to be a public forum for those who wish to attack and demolish me or my loved ones. In an effort to keep the exchanges on my blog in the desired subject arena I wish to keep them in, I have made some adjustments to my account settings. I would suggest that all bloggers do the same to weed out any comments that do not pertain to your subject matter.
With the above mentioned business taken care of, it’s not often I have the time or patience to read other’s blogs. I do however wish to change this in the future so if you have any that you think I might find interesting or fascinating, please feel free to comment me or to email me.
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Flying is one of the few things that some people believe if man were intended to do, we would’ve been given wings. However man was given the ability to engineer wings, and engines, and guidance systems to enable us to hurl ourselves skyward and to keep us there. Being airborne is one of the things I greatly enjoy in life and have little time or money to do so anymore. Rising cost of petroleum, increased ticket prices, and the lack of funds for general aviation have all kept me from this beloved activity. If any of you reading this have ever been in my home, you instantly know that someone living there has an affinity for aviation. Boeing 727-200s, 757-200 & -300’s, 737-800s, Lockheed L-1011 Tristars, Air Force 1, Marine 1, and (my favorite) the Airbus A380-800 all adorn my humble abode in 1:200 scale models. If the starting salary for an airline pilot was more than $18,000 and all major airlines weren’t on hiring freezes for pilots I believe being a pilot is something I would enjoy doing. Shuttling people from place to place seeing the country at first and eventually the world would be a fantastic existence. Right? Well maybe not. I have worked in the aviation industry before but on the more grounded side of things being a ticket agent, ramp agent and gate agent at a small airport and did fly as much as I could while working there. Seeing a few cities, visiting family when I wanted, so I’ve seen the glamorous side and the not so glamorous side of things and I can tell you, the not so glamorous side is very UN-fabulous. It’s hard work for little pay. You spend long hours in the air and on the ground away from your home. Away from everything you know is comfortable all the while you’re either ushering a multi-million dollar aircraft full of people from place to another or you turn into a human pin cushion for the grabby drunk business men sitting in row 1 seats B and C.
It takes a special breed of person to work in the air and I can say I’m not one of them. Though the experiences I had flying jumpseat on a 34 seat twin engine turbo prop or assisting a mechanic change the starter on an engine were things I’d never trade for the world, I’ll keep my feet planted on the dirt for my career. But my hat is off to those who, for them, there is no greater thrill than hearing their copilot call out “V1 – Rotate….Wheels up time 2359. Another red eye.”
~Preston
Recently though I have been shown, yet again, how regressive, juvenile, and blatantly ignorant of others people can be. Although those of us who chose to post or publish take a well known risk in putting our scribbles out for the general public to read, we never intend for someone to use this information against us or to prey on our insecurities. While we do allow comments and replies to our entries, (at least for me) this is more so to become a better writer or person or to simply allow someone who was affected by these writings to let me know how they were affected. I do not intend for this to be a public forum for those who wish to attack and demolish me or my loved ones. In an effort to keep the exchanges on my blog in the desired subject arena I wish to keep them in, I have made some adjustments to my account settings. I would suggest that all bloggers do the same to weed out any comments that do not pertain to your subject matter.
With the above mentioned business taken care of, it’s not often I have the time or patience to read other’s blogs. I do however wish to change this in the future so if you have any that you think I might find interesting or fascinating, please feel free to comment me or to email me.
-----------------------------------------
Flying is one of the few things that some people believe if man were intended to do, we would’ve been given wings. However man was given the ability to engineer wings, and engines, and guidance systems to enable us to hurl ourselves skyward and to keep us there. Being airborne is one of the things I greatly enjoy in life and have little time or money to do so anymore. Rising cost of petroleum, increased ticket prices, and the lack of funds for general aviation have all kept me from this beloved activity. If any of you reading this have ever been in my home, you instantly know that someone living there has an affinity for aviation. Boeing 727-200s, 757-200 & -300’s, 737-800s, Lockheed L-1011 Tristars, Air Force 1, Marine 1, and (my favorite) the Airbus A380-800 all adorn my humble abode in 1:200 scale models. If the starting salary for an airline pilot was more than $18,000 and all major airlines weren’t on hiring freezes for pilots I believe being a pilot is something I would enjoy doing. Shuttling people from place to place seeing the country at first and eventually the world would be a fantastic existence. Right? Well maybe not. I have worked in the aviation industry before but on the more grounded side of things being a ticket agent, ramp agent and gate agent at a small airport and did fly as much as I could while working there. Seeing a few cities, visiting family when I wanted, so I’ve seen the glamorous side and the not so glamorous side of things and I can tell you, the not so glamorous side is very UN-fabulous. It’s hard work for little pay. You spend long hours in the air and on the ground away from your home. Away from everything you know is comfortable all the while you’re either ushering a multi-million dollar aircraft full of people from place to another or you turn into a human pin cushion for the grabby drunk business men sitting in row 1 seats B and C.
It takes a special breed of person to work in the air and I can say I’m not one of them. Though the experiences I had flying jumpseat on a 34 seat twin engine turbo prop or assisting a mechanic change the starter on an engine were things I’d never trade for the world, I’ll keep my feet planted on the dirt for my career. But my hat is off to those who, for them, there is no greater thrill than hearing their copilot call out “V1 – Rotate….Wheels up time 2359. Another red eye.”
~Preston
DEstruction and CONstruction
Self analysis can be one of the few things each person possesses that can keep them grounded and sane. Knowing one’s own limitations can, at times, be a thing of comfort. However there are times when we are overly analytical of ourselves. I myself seem to have been going through some of these events and the resulting conglomeration of depression self loathing and general displeasure have lead me to not care anymore. To give up on things I desire. One example is my appearance. The weight gain of 40 pounds has turned me into something that I detest and am disgusted with every time I look in the mirror. I don’t exercise as I should citing the maladies of my joints and back. I opt to continue smoking because I’m such a mean person when I try to quit and I don’t want to do that to my friends and loved ones.
Through this though, I have gained a wisdom beyond my years. A level of understanding of human nature that can only come with trial, tribulation, and these aforementioned overly analytical events. Yet, even though I can offer insight, advice, and a different perspective on a lot of things, these pearls of knowledge are often times unheeded since I so often times myself fail to follow my own advice. I keep repeating the same harsh circle of events but at the same time I grow a little more with each turn of the circle. Constructing a new me, albeit at a much slower pace that one would think is necessary.
I do however know people that their life is one constant self destructive event. They over analyze themselves repeatedly to a point where they are paralyzed sitting crying on the couch watching Steel Magnolias for the 11034959029347 time bawling their eyes out with 3 boxes of tissue and a gallon of Edy’s creamery style ice cream. This continued cycle however only has the effect of cementing itself more into a repeating cycle which will eventually become their comfort zone and if they try to break the cycle they will find it has become harder to break than diamond. We as people need to realize that our minds, our mental state, are dependant upon a yen and yang effect. For every destructive thing we put ourselves through there needs to be some good to counter balance. We need to build ourselves up as much as we tear ourselves down otherwise what will we have left of our psyches? In my observations and my experiences, not a lot.
So with all this thought provoking fodder, go out and play in the snow, have some fun, and lighten up on yourself!
~Preston
Through this though, I have gained a wisdom beyond my years. A level of understanding of human nature that can only come with trial, tribulation, and these aforementioned overly analytical events. Yet, even though I can offer insight, advice, and a different perspective on a lot of things, these pearls of knowledge are often times unheeded since I so often times myself fail to follow my own advice. I keep repeating the same harsh circle of events but at the same time I grow a little more with each turn of the circle. Constructing a new me, albeit at a much slower pace that one would think is necessary.
I do however know people that their life is one constant self destructive event. They over analyze themselves repeatedly to a point where they are paralyzed sitting crying on the couch watching Steel Magnolias for the 11034959029347 time bawling their eyes out with 3 boxes of tissue and a gallon of Edy’s creamery style ice cream. This continued cycle however only has the effect of cementing itself more into a repeating cycle which will eventually become their comfort zone and if they try to break the cycle they will find it has become harder to break than diamond. We as people need to realize that our minds, our mental state, are dependant upon a yen and yang effect. For every destructive thing we put ourselves through there needs to be some good to counter balance. We need to build ourselves up as much as we tear ourselves down otherwise what will we have left of our psyches? In my observations and my experiences, not a lot.
So with all this thought provoking fodder, go out and play in the snow, have some fun, and lighten up on yourself!
~Preston
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Time...
My oh my how time does fly when you're an adult. All too often lately I have found myself wanting to do something which is impossible. To simply resign my position as a functioning adult in society and assume the duties and responsibilities of an 8 year old. I believe we have all had this desire at times to just forget the troubles and woes and day to day drudgery that accompanies coming of age. Especially in this day and age.
I feel troubled for the youth of today and those we are incessantly bringing into this world. What is to be of their future if things are as they are now. Can we as a human race continue to improve ourselves and quality of life to a point of sustainable utopia? Has my generation as well as those before me left the world in such a state of discombobulation and disarray that our successors and heirs to this planet will not be able to repair the earth and our quality of life? These are things I ponder and fret over from time to time.
I myself have opted to not have offspring. Both because of my sexual orientation but also because parenthood is truly "not my thing." I have eight nieces and nephews so there are plenty to carry on the family name, traditions and blood line. I however still can't help but worry for my family's posterity what exactly is going to come of them as a result of decisions made by those that came before them. Will the little darlings I had a hand in helping shape into adults (to use a phrase I've used before) become more than the sum of their parts? Let us hope. In all of the history of my family only 1 person has gone on to pursue higher education to completion. My brother. While he holds two bachelor degrees he chose to work for my father and not use the degrees for the very noble career he had originally intended. He was to shape the minds, inspire great ambitions, and nourish the knowledge starved minds of today's youth. He was to be a teacher.
As I sit here at work and ponder these things and scribe my occasional mental regurgitation into an online blog for all to see and read, I wonder what life would be like if things were different somehow. Simply different. I don't know exactly what or how but if I had made a different decision when I was younger how that would effect me today. Would I be doing something different with my life. Where would I be? If I hadn't been raised to look at an obstacle not as something impossible but another challenge to conquer, who would I be now? I thank the divine powers for my parents and the influence they've had on my life every single day.
Though in the grand scheme of things my existence in this world will probably end insignificantly, I revel in knowing I have effected the lives of those around me and possibly inspired a few to greater heights than they thought were possible.
Just some things to think about :)
~Preston
I feel troubled for the youth of today and those we are incessantly bringing into this world. What is to be of their future if things are as they are now. Can we as a human race continue to improve ourselves and quality of life to a point of sustainable utopia? Has my generation as well as those before me left the world in such a state of discombobulation and disarray that our successors and heirs to this planet will not be able to repair the earth and our quality of life? These are things I ponder and fret over from time to time.
I myself have opted to not have offspring. Both because of my sexual orientation but also because parenthood is truly "not my thing." I have eight nieces and nephews so there are plenty to carry on the family name, traditions and blood line. I however still can't help but worry for my family's posterity what exactly is going to come of them as a result of decisions made by those that came before them. Will the little darlings I had a hand in helping shape into adults (to use a phrase I've used before) become more than the sum of their parts? Let us hope. In all of the history of my family only 1 person has gone on to pursue higher education to completion. My brother. While he holds two bachelor degrees he chose to work for my father and not use the degrees for the very noble career he had originally intended. He was to shape the minds, inspire great ambitions, and nourish the knowledge starved minds of today's youth. He was to be a teacher.
As I sit here at work and ponder these things and scribe my occasional mental regurgitation into an online blog for all to see and read, I wonder what life would be like if things were different somehow. Simply different. I don't know exactly what or how but if I had made a different decision when I was younger how that would effect me today. Would I be doing something different with my life. Where would I be? If I hadn't been raised to look at an obstacle not as something impossible but another challenge to conquer, who would I be now? I thank the divine powers for my parents and the influence they've had on my life every single day.
Though in the grand scheme of things my existence in this world will probably end insignificantly, I revel in knowing I have effected the lives of those around me and possibly inspired a few to greater heights than they thought were possible.
Just some things to think about :)
~Preston
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
HOLY HEFER!
MY GOODNESS it's been forever since I've thought about this little online coagulation of thoughts and ramblings! Well well well...where shall we start? hmmm how about personally. Personal life has been intersting to say the least...hell life in general is interesting if you think about it...a series of chemicals and elements all combining in an elaborate fashion to make not just a human but a PERSON. A person whose mind and emotions and feelings are all controlled by the combination of various chemicals and electrical impulses. It's amazing really if you think about it! Enough with the science lesson though...Army boi and I are still together and doing well! We have our little rough spots we have to work out and get through once in a while but we are definately committed completely to making this thing work. Dave is not quite used to being one of the most popular amongst a group of friends and I am always wanting to be on the go doing something with a set of our friends or organizing a big group of us to go to the mall or something LOL. Nothing like 8 or 10 gay men invading Franklin Park in a group! We have recently made a new friend Ben. He and Dave get along VERY well with all that "nerdy" stuff they like...and of course I love it too! It's so cute watching them go back and forth about scifi something. Ben is a great guy. On another note we signed for another year in hour apartment but we definately won't be staying there after this lease is up. Too damned expensive and with me not getting a raise anytime soon, gotta find something cheaper. Mikey and Scott are doing good and have moved into an apartment in the same building as ours YAY! Cory and Nate are doing well. Haven't seen them much since Cory got in with this new company...they hang out with the owner a lot. *shrugs* That and there is some friction between our two couples for some reason. Oh well! Cory and I have made it through worse. I have gotten involved with a local theatre here doing some lighting things with a friend of mine. I am really enjoying it and have met a great group of people who I seem to mesh with really well. On a more astounding note...I QUIT SMOKING as of August 1, 2005! YAY!!!!! Now if I can shed the extra 30 pounds of spare tire I seem to have aquired during the process. Now onto work. Work is always an interesting roller coaster ride of sorts. Well lets start with staffing changes. Cory = eliminated (same as David W.), STDJ = long gone, level 1 = so many changes we won't go into it, Todd stepped down as CEO and was replaced as CEO by our COO George. A close friend and I have nicknames for all these but that's an inside joke which is how it will stay. We'll see where the Airpath ride takes me from here!
Enough for now boys and girls. Hopefully more to come at a later time!
Preston
Enough for now boys and girls. Hopefully more to come at a later time!
Preston
Friday, May 06, 2005
OY GEVAULT!
The Yiddish lessons are coming along nicely! LOL j/k
Well boys and girls it's been yet another long expanse of time has passed since I have updated my poor little journal. Personal life is getting better and better! YAY!!!!! Army boi and I have been together since Valentine's day and things are WONDERFUL! I love you so much baby! You have no idea how much you mean to me.
Work is an enigma wrapped in a riddle encased in a puzzle. I am just taking one day at a time. I will keep you posted but must cut this off here to spend some time with my baby boy!
The answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything is.......42.
Preston
Well boys and girls it's been yet another long expanse of time has passed since I have updated my poor little journal. Personal life is getting better and better! YAY!!!!! Army boi and I have been together since Valentine's day and things are WONDERFUL! I love you so much baby! You have no idea how much you mean to me.
Work is an enigma wrapped in a riddle encased in a puzzle. I am just taking one day at a time. I will keep you posted but must cut this off here to spend some time with my baby boy!
The answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything is.......42.
Preston
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
It's been a while
WOW has it been a while since I've updated this thing. WELL!! Lets dig in shall we?
Lets start with the personal life. The last part of January Cory and I moved my ex David back to Oklahoma. 17 hours down in a moving truck (I drove the whole way down) and 14 hours back (Cory drove the whole way back) in a Ford Taurus. Some 2500 miles or so in 3 days was definitely an adventure but I couldn't have asked for a better friend to ride with on the trip. It just reinforced how much Cory really means to me. Army boi and I are officially boyfriends as of Valentine's Day 2005. Things are going well with us. We are very very much in love. He finally admitted that he loves me on Cory's b-day when we were all here drinking and having a good time and Cory pinned him down and interrogated him. LOL He has duty coming up this summer for 3 weeks. :( I'm very scared about being without him for 3 weeks. I cannot even begin to fathom if he gets deployed again but we'll cross that bridge when we get there.
Now for work. I'm just going to sum it up as short as I can. I HATE MY JOB AND WANT OUT SO FUCKING BAD I CAN'T STAND IT! However I have to stay there for the pay. Everything is a mess. Account managers have left, our corporate controller is leaving and being replaced, the CFO/COO they brought in from what I've heard has a rep for being a hatchet man for our VC. Everyday I grow more and more unhappy with where I'm at and where the company is going. I can adapt to things relatively well and I can manage and train people however I can't keep doing more and more and more while keeping up with all the same shit they expect me to. I'm just generally frustrated and PISSED OFF.
Well boys and girls I'm going to cut this off here.
Love you baby,
Preston
Lets start with the personal life. The last part of January Cory and I moved my ex David back to Oklahoma. 17 hours down in a moving truck (I drove the whole way down) and 14 hours back (Cory drove the whole way back) in a Ford Taurus. Some 2500 miles or so in 3 days was definitely an adventure but I couldn't have asked for a better friend to ride with on the trip. It just reinforced how much Cory really means to me. Army boi and I are officially boyfriends as of Valentine's Day 2005. Things are going well with us. We are very very much in love. He finally admitted that he loves me on Cory's b-day when we were all here drinking and having a good time and Cory pinned him down and interrogated him. LOL He has duty coming up this summer for 3 weeks. :( I'm very scared about being without him for 3 weeks. I cannot even begin to fathom if he gets deployed again but we'll cross that bridge when we get there.
Now for work. I'm just going to sum it up as short as I can. I HATE MY JOB AND WANT OUT SO FUCKING BAD I CAN'T STAND IT! However I have to stay there for the pay. Everything is a mess. Account managers have left, our corporate controller is leaving and being replaced, the CFO/COO they brought in from what I've heard has a rep for being a hatchet man for our VC. Everyday I grow more and more unhappy with where I'm at and where the company is going. I can adapt to things relatively well and I can manage and train people however I can't keep doing more and more and more while keeping up with all the same shit they expect me to. I'm just generally frustrated and PISSED OFF.
Well boys and girls I'm going to cut this off here.
Love you baby,
Preston
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Life Anew
Dear reader:
Hello! How are you? Me? I'm doing well. I am starting to get back into the swing of things. Taking one day at a time. There are still a lot of things in my life that are balls of confusion, but I'm muddling through. I am trying to quit smoking...again. We'll see how soon it is before I have a pack of cigs flung at me and am ordered to smoke. Also it's going to be a crap shoot as to which one of my friends and/or co-workers it is that purchases the smokes! LOL Happens every time. Not to say I'm a complete and total bitch when I try to quit smoking, but I'm a complete and total bitch when I try to quit smoking. ;) Well dear reader this is all for now. Stay tuned for further updates.
Preston
Hello! How are you? Me? I'm doing well. I am starting to get back into the swing of things. Taking one day at a time. There are still a lot of things in my life that are balls of confusion, but I'm muddling through. I am trying to quit smoking...again. We'll see how soon it is before I have a pack of cigs flung at me and am ordered to smoke. Also it's going to be a crap shoot as to which one of my friends and/or co-workers it is that purchases the smokes! LOL Happens every time. Not to say I'm a complete and total bitch when I try to quit smoking, but I'm a complete and total bitch when I try to quit smoking. ;) Well dear reader this is all for now. Stay tuned for further updates.
Preston
Thursday, December 30, 2004
Overwhelmed
Have you ever had the feeling that the world was spinning so very fast that you were going to fly off into space? That there was no way you could possibly keep up and do everything that you have been tasked with? Where you just wished the world would leave you alone for a while except for those that you want to let in? That pretty much sums things up lately. A mass of confusion compiled upon an ever mounting list of tasks to complete at work.
I want some way to get away. Some way to not have to worry about the daily stresses of life. Some way to escape if even for a little while. Some way to quiet my mind and not have to think about anything.
I suppose that I have put myself in this situation. I suppose I am the one who bears the responsibility for being here. Life used to be so much simpler. How did things get so complicated? Work is a nightmare, my personal life is a mass of confusion. *sigh* What can I do though besides take one day at a time.
That will be all for the evening.
Preston
I want some way to get away. Some way to not have to worry about the daily stresses of life. Some way to escape if even for a little while. Some way to quiet my mind and not have to think about anything.
I suppose that I have put myself in this situation. I suppose I am the one who bears the responsibility for being here. Life used to be so much simpler. How did things get so complicated? Work is a nightmare, my personal life is a mass of confusion. *sigh* What can I do though besides take one day at a time.
That will be all for the evening.
Preston
Friday, December 24, 2004
A positive outlook
Normally just a simple phrase that means to always look on the bright side of things, no matter what. Something I do sometimes have trouble accomplishing. Having said that, things are going well. Work is going okay. Busy as all hell but going okay. Erik and I seem to be hitting it off really well and I think are going to work very well together. Not only is he a good boss but he is also becoming a close friend. All in all he's a really great guy.
On the personal side of things...things are going okay. I upset Dave today with the phrasing of a question because I was confused as to what he meant by something. I hope he took my explaination of what I really meant and has forgiven me. I have more to say about that but nothing I want to get into except with him.
I finally got the new phone server put in with Cory tonight. We really didn't expect to get it done tonight but what do you know....IT'S DONE!!!!!!!!!! Thank the diety of your preference.
AND WITH THAT!!! I have next week off! YES YES YES YES YES YES!!!! I'm going to kick back and not do a DAMN thing.
Good night all!
Preston
On the personal side of things...things are going okay. I upset Dave today with the phrasing of a question because I was confused as to what he meant by something. I hope he took my explaination of what I really meant and has forgiven me. I have more to say about that but nothing I want to get into except with him.
I finally got the new phone server put in with Cory tonight. We really didn't expect to get it done tonight but what do you know....IT'S DONE!!!!!!!!!! Thank the diety of your preference.
AND WITH THAT!!! I have next week off! YES YES YES YES YES YES!!!! I'm going to kick back and not do a DAMN thing.
Good night all!
Preston
Sunday, December 19, 2004
Confusion
Well dear readers, it has been a while since I posted of my latest goings on and general blatherings. Things have been going very off the wall for me to say the least. Lets start with work.
Work, yet another 4 letter word of the english language, has steadily become a nightmare from hell to say the least. With the firing of my ex David, the company hired a director of operations to which I now report. Also I was "hand picked" to be the Level 1 End User Support supervisor which means I now have the entire call center under me except for the 3 provider support guys. PLUS all the crap I was handling normally on top of this now. Needless to say things have been interesting and hectic at work.
Now time for personal (this is where it's going to get long). Things have been going okay for me. I am staying in my apartment since David is no longer getting the house in Holland because of the whole getting fired thing. Army boi (Dave) and I have been taking one day at a time. I really really really like this guy and from what it seems and what he says he really likes me also. I have made it known that I want to date him and he said (once I pried it out of him) that he wants to date me but is scared. Personally I can understand why because he has gotten screwed over in the past by a couple guys and that is just never an easy thing to get over but in the same breath I am not those guys. We have had a couple episodes where he has hurt me over the last few days but that's just because I was reading too much into things. Last wed night was a perfect example. I was having a really kinda depressed and down night getting things ready for the christmas party and just generally depressive state. I mentioned that I wanted someone to just hold me and after a little discussion he came over. He was EXTREMELY affectionate that night which was absolutely wonderful and just made me feel like I was on cloud nine. We retired and shared a VERY amazing experience. Well it came out that he didn't even remember the conversation we had leading up to his arrival and the only reason he came over was because he was horny. Talk about feeling used. I have a protective thing that happens when I get hurt....after I cry, all emotions are shut off except for the anger. Well I asked what he was thinking as I was smoking a cig and he just said "I screwed up big time I should have never came over wed." He eventually let it all out and started crying also because he had hurt me. Of course with that how could I not forgive him so I hugged him and said "it's okay baby I forgive you" and we retired to bed. SO with all that said and done I'm thinking "great we made a break through hopefully it won't be long then until he's ready to date." Well he came over last night and had been drinking again (not that much) but was really affectionate and just generally it was a good night. (notice a pattern of alcohol = affection yet?) When we got up this afternoon (granted yes all I felt like doing was staying in bed and not doing a damn thing but it was his birthday so I wanted to take him out to dinner but we got up so late it was time for him to meet his friend Tom. So the dinner was postponed, no big, but it was the fact that he didn't say very much and like he just wanted to get the hell outta here today that kind of disturbed me. OH WELL! Nothing I can do about issues that someone doesn't want me to help with. SO from this point forward I'm going to take the stance that if he wants to date me like he says he does he can come after me instead of me mindlessly pursuing something that I can never obtain and getting myself hurt countless times in the process. Yes dear reader you are probably thinking "WELL IT'S ABOUT FREAKIN TIME HE WOKE UP!" What can I say...I wear my heart and my emotions on my sleeve. What I feel for someone is just that...it's genuinely what I feel for that person.
BUT that is enough blathering on endlessly about my issues. How have you all been doing? ......
Preston
Work, yet another 4 letter word of the english language, has steadily become a nightmare from hell to say the least. With the firing of my ex David, the company hired a director of operations to which I now report. Also I was "hand picked" to be the Level 1 End User Support supervisor which means I now have the entire call center under me except for the 3 provider support guys. PLUS all the crap I was handling normally on top of this now. Needless to say things have been interesting and hectic at work.
Now time for personal (this is where it's going to get long). Things have been going okay for me. I am staying in my apartment since David is no longer getting the house in Holland because of the whole getting fired thing. Army boi (Dave) and I have been taking one day at a time. I really really really like this guy and from what it seems and what he says he really likes me also. I have made it known that I want to date him and he said (once I pried it out of him) that he wants to date me but is scared. Personally I can understand why because he has gotten screwed over in the past by a couple guys and that is just never an easy thing to get over but in the same breath I am not those guys. We have had a couple episodes where he has hurt me over the last few days but that's just because I was reading too much into things. Last wed night was a perfect example. I was having a really kinda depressed and down night getting things ready for the christmas party and just generally depressive state. I mentioned that I wanted someone to just hold me and after a little discussion he came over. He was EXTREMELY affectionate that night which was absolutely wonderful and just made me feel like I was on cloud nine. We retired and shared a VERY amazing experience. Well it came out that he didn't even remember the conversation we had leading up to his arrival and the only reason he came over was because he was horny. Talk about feeling used. I have a protective thing that happens when I get hurt....after I cry, all emotions are shut off except for the anger. Well I asked what he was thinking as I was smoking a cig and he just said "I screwed up big time I should have never came over wed." He eventually let it all out and started crying also because he had hurt me. Of course with that how could I not forgive him so I hugged him and said "it's okay baby I forgive you" and we retired to bed. SO with all that said and done I'm thinking "great we made a break through hopefully it won't be long then until he's ready to date." Well he came over last night and had been drinking again (not that much) but was really affectionate and just generally it was a good night. (notice a pattern of alcohol = affection yet?) When we got up this afternoon (granted yes all I felt like doing was staying in bed and not doing a damn thing but it was his birthday so I wanted to take him out to dinner but we got up so late it was time for him to meet his friend Tom. So the dinner was postponed, no big, but it was the fact that he didn't say very much and like he just wanted to get the hell outta here today that kind of disturbed me. OH WELL! Nothing I can do about issues that someone doesn't want me to help with. SO from this point forward I'm going to take the stance that if he wants to date me like he says he does he can come after me instead of me mindlessly pursuing something that I can never obtain and getting myself hurt countless times in the process. Yes dear reader you are probably thinking "WELL IT'S ABOUT FREAKIN TIME HE WOKE UP!" What can I say...I wear my heart and my emotions on my sleeve. What I feel for someone is just that...it's genuinely what I feel for that person.
BUT that is enough blathering on endlessly about my issues. How have you all been doing? ......
Preston
Sunday, December 05, 2004
Ramblings
I have come to a not so startling conclusion as of late. Those whom we love can hurt us very deeply, without even trying. I feel my heart cannot bear another blow, another tear, another break, another scar to bear silently eating me away inside while I idly stand by and say "I want nothing more than your happiness."
I wear my emotions on my sleeve, I give willingly of myself to those I care about...and in return I am usually hurt....adding yet another scar to the many I bear each day. Hoping one day to find that special someone who will take my heart willingly and guard it as well as I do theirs.
Dave asked me if everything was okay tonight. I told him it wasn't and that it wasn't his battle but he offered me an ear anyway. That really means a lot to me. More than I'm sure he knows. I really like Dave...A LOT. But that's another story. Hopefully whatever he is stressing about I can help him with. He is a great person and I am very glad to have him in my life, in whatever form it may evolve into. Dave, if you're reading this, thank you for just being you. :)
That is all for tonight.
I wear my emotions on my sleeve, I give willingly of myself to those I care about...and in return I am usually hurt....adding yet another scar to the many I bear each day. Hoping one day to find that special someone who will take my heart willingly and guard it as well as I do theirs.
Dave asked me if everything was okay tonight. I told him it wasn't and that it wasn't his battle but he offered me an ear anyway. That really means a lot to me. More than I'm sure he knows. I really like Dave...A LOT. But that's another story. Hopefully whatever he is stressing about I can help him with. He is a great person and I am very glad to have him in my life, in whatever form it may evolve into. Dave, if you're reading this, thank you for just being you. :)
That is all for tonight.
Saturday, December 04, 2004
Things that make you go hmmmmmmm
Well folks things have been interesting, stressful, disappointing, happy, and wonderful at the same time. Professionally things have been busy and still kind of up in the air. I had a long conversation with our CEO the other day and well it seems as though things may be looking up with the company.
Personally things have been intriguing and I don't know what to do really. I've finally aired all my thoughts to Cory about his situation which made me feel better for a few minutes and it helped him wake up and realize what has been going on. On the other hand I absolutely adore Cory. He is a wonderful guy and very attractive. I have wanted him since I met him, however it was made apparently clear I can NEVER have him beyond a friendship. No big surprise there but it just hurt coming from David. Dave (my "friend" in the army) has been stressed lately and has been kind of recoiling away from me. Who knows what is going on there. I do really like him. I guess I need to stay single for a while even though David wants us to get back together. I haven't even been remotely interested in anything beyond just hanging out and maybe cuddling with someone lately. I think I'm just going to retreat into my world and only speak when spoken to and see what happens. There is no point in me even trying anymore with these guys or any point in me even remotely trying to put my heart out there again just to have it turned down. I don't know of I should leave my apartment now or not with the developments with David basically calling me a lying whore.
I'm sure some of you reading this are thinking "oh great he's throwing another pitty party" so I'm just going to cut this off here.
Later
Preston
Personally things have been intriguing and I don't know what to do really. I've finally aired all my thoughts to Cory about his situation which made me feel better for a few minutes and it helped him wake up and realize what has been going on. On the other hand I absolutely adore Cory. He is a wonderful guy and very attractive. I have wanted him since I met him, however it was made apparently clear I can NEVER have him beyond a friendship. No big surprise there but it just hurt coming from David. Dave (my "friend" in the army) has been stressed lately and has been kind of recoiling away from me. Who knows what is going on there. I do really like him. I guess I need to stay single for a while even though David wants us to get back together. I haven't even been remotely interested in anything beyond just hanging out and maybe cuddling with someone lately. I think I'm just going to retreat into my world and only speak when spoken to and see what happens. There is no point in me even trying anymore with these guys or any point in me even remotely trying to put my heart out there again just to have it turned down. I don't know of I should leave my apartment now or not with the developments with David basically calling me a lying whore.
I'm sure some of you reading this are thinking "oh great he's throwing another pitty party" so I'm just going to cut this off here.
Later
Preston
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Looking up
Things are looking up in my world. Life is starting to have some semblance of normalness to it again finally. I have been talking to a great guy named Dave. He has come over and hung out a couple times and we have been getting to know each other. TRULY an awesome guy. One of those guys that you know either will make one of the greatest friends or greatest bf's imaginable. So who knows we will see where that goes. He knows how I'm thinking of him so we will see where everything leads.
Mikey and Scott are doing WONDERFULLY! Mikey is getting SO excited about his trip to Seattle in 2 weeks. I can't wait to see Scott again when he flies back to Ohio. Scott is such a great guy it seems. I think he and Mikey are going to be together for a very long time.
Work has been going relatively well. I have been busy as hell with getting the phone system compliant with one of our largest customer's requirements. OH THE JOY! That has pretty much been work for me.
I am going to cut this off there since I don't have much to write about today.
Thinking of you! (you know who you are)
Preston
Mikey and Scott are doing WONDERFULLY! Mikey is getting SO excited about his trip to Seattle in 2 weeks. I can't wait to see Scott again when he flies back to Ohio. Scott is such a great guy it seems. I think he and Mikey are going to be together for a very long time.
Work has been going relatively well. I have been busy as hell with getting the phone system compliant with one of our largest customer's requirements. OH THE JOY! That has pretty much been work for me.
I am going to cut this off there since I don't have much to write about today.
Thinking of you! (you know who you are)
Preston
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