A Tale of Tales

As many of you know, and if you don’t you’ve been living under a rock for the past 3 months, I am now single and while the break up has had its ups and downs, blood shed and tear stains, it has been for the best. I can honestly say I’m happier now than I have been in a long time overall. Yes you will have the posts from me when I just need to unload since I don’t have someone right here to do that with. Even when I did, I’m such a private individual that I usually just like to pour things out in a heap into this wonderful online journal and let the masses sort it out without having to hear any rebuttals about how I should be feeling.

Life is always a series of ups and downs and right now things seem to be on the upswing. I’ve met someone who thus far seems to be a complete match in every way but time will tell. Things are to be taken slow, learning everything about one another there is to know then eventually march down the aisle of cohabitation seeing as we can’t quite get married. I had a wonderful weekend with Mikey who is in from California currently visiting and I hadn’t quite realized how much I missed him until I hugged him for the first time in almost a year. One of the people that know me best in the world, often times my partner in some sort of drunken hyjinx, and the shoulder I need from time to time Mikey is one in a million and for that I thank the diety of your choice for having him in my life.

Work will be becoming very interesting here soon. I can’t discuss it here as of yet but something big is coming. So if I’m putting in some extra time at work, don’t say you weren’t warned.

As far as where I will be in the future, that has still yet to be determined. I have a lot of options available to me right now, and frankly I don’t know which one I want. I’m growing accustomed to sleeping alone and although I don’t like it, it is one of those things I must do for now. One day though I will have the house in the country with the man of my dreams beside me every night. Some people don’t understand how I can miss being in the middle of nowhere so much. It’s quite simple really. It’s where I’m from and who I am. I may be a gay man, but that doesn’t mean I can’t want to be able to get up at the ass crack of dawn to go out exploring on my property to listen to nature, and just hear the silence that only being out in the middle of nowhere can bring. If it’s something you’ve never done in your existence, I highly recommend it. It is both humbling and empowering at the same time. A time when a person can truly reflect on who they are and discover things about oneself you never knew existed. I know so many people that think they must live in a populous so they can be accepted and loved. That’s all fine and dandy however you never really truly discover yourself. I’ve done a lot of different things in my life trying to discover who I am and what I want out of life and the one thing that seems to hold true is sitting on a stump in the woods listening, watching, waiting, thinking, and discovering. Discovering what is a typical response to that statement and the answer is quite simple…everything.

Think of life in terms of who you are in the world. In the grand scheme of things we are each pretty insignificant. One person who will occupy a biochemical marvel known as the human body that will remain on earth for a predetermined amount of time that none of us know. Our fate and destiny is controlled by forces all around us. I can only think of one analogy right now to describe it. We are a tree. We have an effect on everything around us. Sometimes we are leaned on by others when they need support. Sometimes we can be destroyed by fire, and other times, it is fire that is our saving grace allowing us to flourish and giving us the things we need to become bigger and stronger. We leave little parts of us with those who come near us either in the form of ideas or seeds that grow and become another great tree, or sometimes in the form of a passing look as if someone looked at our leaves and said “wow that’s a beautiful leaf” and we are easily forgotten. While I know I’m grasping at acorns as it were, I think you all know what I’m trying to say. We are here for a purpose and we can only discover that purpose by discovering who we really are. Some guys like to go out and party all the time and they say “that’s who I am, I’m a party animal!” While that is all well and good, how do you feel when you’re alone? Are you on your phone texting or calling to find out when and where the next drunken debauchery is going to take place or do you take time to enjoy your alone time and think about some of the good things you’ve done and where you are in life. If you take time to think of where you are in life, ask yourself the question “am I where I want to be?” If you’re not then I would suggest thinking of how you can get to where you want to be. What amount of hard work will it take to get there? If you do this, I assure you, you will be happier with yourself, and then you can truly be happy with the one you love.

Along those lines, there are times when we just need to sit back and appreciate what we do have. So many times I myself think my life is so bad, because I don’t have enough money to do this, or wish things were different etc. At the same time, when I have my more lucid moments, I know I have a lot to be thankful for. In today’s economy, I have a job that pays me a decent wage, I have a car, I have a phone, a computer, a family that loves me, friends that care about me, and maybe someone who will want to spend his life with me in the future. I have things pretty good compared to some yet there are times when I feel as though I have nothing and am a failure often times because I never went to college. In a nutshell, and I hate to cut this off here but I must get to bed, just stop, think, and reflect on yourself. Are you really who you want to be?

~Preston