DEstruction and CONstruction

Self analysis can be one of the few things each person possesses that can keep them grounded and sane. Knowing one’s own limitations can, at times, be a thing of comfort. However there are times when we are overly analytical of ourselves. I myself seem to have been going through some of these events and the resulting conglomeration of depression self loathing and general displeasure have lead me to not care anymore. To give up on things I desire. One example is my appearance. The weight gain of 40 pounds has turned me into something that I detest and am disgusted with every time I look in the mirror. I don’t exercise as I should citing the maladies of my joints and back. I opt to continue smoking because I’m such a mean person when I try to quit and I don’t want to do that to my friends and loved ones.

Through this though, I have gained a wisdom beyond my years. A level of understanding of human nature that can only come with trial, tribulation, and these aforementioned overly analytical events. Yet, even though I can offer insight, advice, and a different perspective on a lot of things, these pearls of knowledge are often times unheeded since I so often times myself fail to follow my own advice. I keep repeating the same harsh circle of events but at the same time I grow a little more with each turn of the circle. Constructing a new me, albeit at a much slower pace that one would think is necessary.

I do however know people that their life is one constant self destructive event. They over analyze themselves repeatedly to a point where they are paralyzed sitting crying on the couch watching Steel Magnolias for the 11034959029347 time bawling their eyes out with 3 boxes of tissue and a gallon of Edy’s creamery style ice cream. This continued cycle however only has the effect of cementing itself more into a repeating cycle which will eventually become their comfort zone and if they try to break the cycle they will find it has become harder to break than diamond. We as people need to realize that our minds, our mental state, are dependant upon a yen and yang effect. For every destructive thing we put ourselves through there needs to be some good to counter balance. We need to build ourselves up as much as we tear ourselves down otherwise what will we have left of our psyches? In my observations and my experiences, not a lot.

So with all this thought provoking fodder, go out and play in the snow, have some fun, and lighten up on yourself!

~Preston