Random Tangents

Adventure is sought in many different forms by many different people. Some look at adventure as the thrill of the riding the world’s tallest roller coaster. Others see a grand adventure in the pages of a well written novel. Everyone has some degree of curiosity about the next grand excursion be it one taken in the mind or one taken around the land, air, or water. Sometimes we are so desperate for the next escapade that we uproot our whole existence for the excitement of something new or something different. When I moved to Ohio in 2002 it was for the love of my bf and for the challenge of new place. A new venue to spread my wings and explore the unknown. Sadly though, when our relationship ended so did the desire for him to live near his family and he moved back to Oklahoma, the place of my heritage. I opted to stay here in Ohio because I had a decent job, friends, and was having fun. Since then my longing to return to my roots has done nothing but continue to grow. So much so that when I visited my family over Christmas, even with all of my responsibilities here I didn’t want to come back. I wanted to remain close to the ones I’ve known the longest. Stand beside then when they need me, visit my mom and dad every weekend and help them since, as is the case so many times, they got old over night. I visited them and they were fine, young and vibrant so full of life, and now when I visit, they are old and almost fragile but still very full of life and vitality. I fear losing one or both of them with every fiber of my being before I’m ready; before I’ve made my home and my life closer to theirs again.

Sometimes being gay is more difficult than a heterosexual person can fathom. I will have no children to take care of me when I grow old. I have no rights to marry the one I love so if he or I were to pass prematurely the estate would pass to the other. I will have no family members to celebrate my life if I pass at a ripe old age being the youngest of my family and alienated from my nieces and nephews. Family is one of the few things I cherish in my life and with each passing day it’s becoming more difficult to be separated from my blood by what feels like an entire world. While I have the few friends I have left here and my boyfriend. It still leaves me partially empty not being able to go see my mom on a random day and call her when I’m on the way to ask if she can make one of my favorite meals for dinner. It hurts knowing that I cannot be greeted with that warm smile that only a southern parent/grandparent can have and the hug that only a mom can give. At this very moment, my life seems to be a huge disappointment with a few scattered bright spots.

That’s all the dribble you get for now.

~Preston