Confusion

Well dear readers, it has been a while since I posted of my latest goings on and general blatherings. Things have been going very off the wall for me to say the least. Lets start with work.

Work, yet another 4 letter word of the english language, has steadily become a nightmare from hell to say the least. With the firing of my ex David, the company hired a director of operations to which I now report. Also I was "hand picked" to be the Level 1 End User Support supervisor which means I now have the entire call center under me except for the 3 provider support guys. PLUS all the crap I was handling normally on top of this now. Needless to say things have been interesting and hectic at work.

Now time for personal (this is where it's going to get long). Things have been going okay for me. I am staying in my apartment since David is no longer getting the house in Holland because of the whole getting fired thing. Army boi (Dave) and I have been taking one day at a time. I really really really like this guy and from what it seems and what he says he really likes me also. I have made it known that I want to date him and he said (once I pried it out of him) that he wants to date me but is scared. Personally I can understand why because he has gotten screwed over in the past by a couple guys and that is just never an easy thing to get over but in the same breath I am not those guys. We have had a couple episodes where he has hurt me over the last few days but that's just because I was reading too much into things. Last wed night was a perfect example. I was having a really kinda depressed and down night getting things ready for the christmas party and just generally depressive state. I mentioned that I wanted someone to just hold me and after a little discussion he came over. He was EXTREMELY affectionate that night which was absolutely wonderful and just made me feel like I was on cloud nine. We retired and shared a VERY amazing experience. Well it came out that he didn't even remember the conversation we had leading up to his arrival and the only reason he came over was because he was horny. Talk about feeling used. I have a protective thing that happens when I get hurt....after I cry, all emotions are shut off except for the anger. Well I asked what he was thinking as I was smoking a cig and he just said "I screwed up big time I should have never came over wed." He eventually let it all out and started crying also because he had hurt me. Of course with that how could I not forgive him so I hugged him and said "it's okay baby I forgive you" and we retired to bed. SO with all that said and done I'm thinking "great we made a break through hopefully it won't be long then until he's ready to date." Well he came over last night and had been drinking again (not that much) but was really affectionate and just generally it was a good night. (notice a pattern of alcohol = affection yet?) When we got up this afternoon (granted yes all I felt like doing was staying in bed and not doing a damn thing but it was his birthday so I wanted to take him out to dinner but we got up so late it was time for him to meet his friend Tom. So the dinner was postponed, no big, but it was the fact that he didn't say very much and like he just wanted to get the hell outta here today that kind of disturbed me. OH WELL! Nothing I can do about issues that someone doesn't want me to help with. SO from this point forward I'm going to take the stance that if he wants to date me like he says he does he can come after me instead of me mindlessly pursuing something that I can never obtain and getting myself hurt countless times in the process. Yes dear reader you are probably thinking "WELL IT'S ABOUT FREAKIN TIME HE WOKE UP!" What can I say...I wear my heart and my emotions on my sleeve. What I feel for someone is just that...it's genuinely what I feel for that person.

BUT that is enough blathering on endlessly about my issues. How have you all been doing? ......

Preston