HOLY HEFER!

MY GOODNESS it's been forever since I've thought about this little online coagulation of thoughts and ramblings! Well well well...where shall we start? hmmm how about personally. Personal life has been intersting to say the least...hell life in general is interesting if you think about it...a series of chemicals and elements all combining in an elaborate fashion to make not just a human but a PERSON. A person whose mind and emotions and feelings are all controlled by the combination of various chemicals and electrical impulses. It's amazing really if you think about it! Enough with the science lesson though...Army boi and I are still together and doing well! We have our little rough spots we have to work out and get through once in a while but we are definately committed completely to making this thing work. Dave is not quite used to being one of the most popular amongst a group of friends and I am always wanting to be on the go doing something with a set of our friends or organizing a big group of us to go to the mall or something LOL. Nothing like 8 or 10 gay men invading Franklin Park in a group! We have recently made a new friend Ben. He and Dave get along VERY well with all that "nerdy" stuff they like...and of course I love it too! It's so cute watching them go back and forth about scifi something. Ben is a great guy. On another note we signed for another year in hour apartment but we definately won't be staying there after this lease is up. Too damned expensive and with me not getting a raise anytime soon, gotta find something cheaper. Mikey and Scott are doing good and have moved into an apartment in the same building as ours YAY! Cory and Nate are doing well. Haven't seen them much since Cory got in with this new company...they hang out with the owner a lot. *shrugs* That and there is some friction between our two couples for some reason. Oh well! Cory and I have made it through worse. I have gotten involved with a local theatre here doing some lighting things with a friend of mine. I am really enjoying it and have met a great group of people who I seem to mesh with really well. On a more astounding note...I QUIT SMOKING as of August 1, 2005! YAY!!!!! Now if I can shed the extra 30 pounds of spare tire I seem to have aquired during the process. Now onto work. Work is always an interesting roller coaster ride of sorts. Well lets start with staffing changes. Cory = eliminated (same as David W.), STDJ = long gone, level 1 = so many changes we won't go into it, Todd stepped down as CEO and was replaced as CEO by our COO George. A close friend and I have nicknames for all these but that's an inside joke which is how it will stay. We'll see where the Airpath ride takes me from here!

Enough for now boys and girls. Hopefully more to come at a later time!

Preston

OY GEVAULT!

The Yiddish lessons are coming along nicely! LOL j/k

Well boys and girls it's been yet another long expanse of time has passed since I have updated my poor little journal. Personal life is getting better and better! YAY!!!!! Army boi and I have been together since Valentine's day and things are WONDERFUL! I love you so much baby! You have no idea how much you mean to me.

Work is an enigma wrapped in a riddle encased in a puzzle. I am just taking one day at a time. I will keep you posted but must cut this off here to spend some time with my baby boy!

The answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything is.......42.

Preston

It's been a while

WOW has it been a while since I've updated this thing. WELL!! Lets dig in shall we?

Lets start with the personal life. The last part of January Cory and I moved my ex David back to Oklahoma. 17 hours down in a moving truck (I drove the whole way down) and 14 hours back (Cory drove the whole way back) in a Ford Taurus. Some 2500 miles or so in 3 days was definitely an adventure but I couldn't have asked for a better friend to ride with on the trip. It just reinforced how much Cory really means to me. Army boi and I are officially boyfriends as of Valentine's Day 2005. Things are going well with us. We are very very much in love. He finally admitted that he loves me on Cory's b-day when we were all here drinking and having a good time and Cory pinned him down and interrogated him. LOL He has duty coming up this summer for 3 weeks. :( I'm very scared about being without him for 3 weeks. I cannot even begin to fathom if he gets deployed again but we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Now for work. I'm just going to sum it up as short as I can. I HATE MY JOB AND WANT OUT SO FUCKING BAD I CAN'T STAND IT! However I have to stay there for the pay. Everything is a mess. Account managers have left, our corporate controller is leaving and being replaced, the CFO/COO they brought in from what I've heard has a rep for being a hatchet man for our VC. Everyday I grow more and more unhappy with where I'm at and where the company is going. I can adapt to things relatively well and I can manage and train people however I can't keep doing more and more and more while keeping up with all the same shit they expect me to. I'm just generally frustrated and PISSED OFF.

Well boys and girls I'm going to cut this off here.

Love you baby,

Preston

Life Anew

Dear reader:

Hello! How are you? Me? I'm doing well. I am starting to get back into the swing of things. Taking one day at a time. There are still a lot of things in my life that are balls of confusion, but I'm muddling through. I am trying to quit smoking...again. We'll see how soon it is before I have a pack of cigs flung at me and am ordered to smoke. Also it's going to be a crap shoot as to which one of my friends and/or co-workers it is that purchases the smokes! LOL Happens every time. Not to say I'm a complete and total bitch when I try to quit smoking, but I'm a complete and total bitch when I try to quit smoking. ;) Well dear reader this is all for now. Stay tuned for further updates.

Preston

Overwhelmed

Have you ever had the feeling that the world was spinning so very fast that you were going to fly off into space? That there was no way you could possibly keep up and do everything that you have been tasked with? Where you just wished the world would leave you alone for a while except for those that you want to let in? That pretty much sums things up lately. A mass of confusion compiled upon an ever mounting list of tasks to complete at work.

I want some way to get away. Some way to not have to worry about the daily stresses of life. Some way to escape if even for a little while. Some way to quiet my mind and not have to think about anything.

I suppose that I have put myself in this situation. I suppose I am the one who bears the responsibility for being here. Life used to be so much simpler. How did things get so complicated? Work is a nightmare, my personal life is a mass of confusion. *sigh* What can I do though besides take one day at a time.

That will be all for the evening.

Preston

A positive outlook

Normally just a simple phrase that means to always look on the bright side of things, no matter what. Something I do sometimes have trouble accomplishing. Having said that, things are going well. Work is going okay. Busy as all hell but going okay. Erik and I seem to be hitting it off really well and I think are going to work very well together. Not only is he a good boss but he is also becoming a close friend. All in all he's a really great guy.

On the personal side of things...things are going okay. I upset Dave today with the phrasing of a question because I was confused as to what he meant by something. I hope he took my explaination of what I really meant and has forgiven me. I have more to say about that but nothing I want to get into except with him.

I finally got the new phone server put in with Cory tonight. We really didn't expect to get it done tonight but what do you know....IT'S DONE!!!!!!!!!! Thank the diety of your preference.

AND WITH THAT!!! I have next week off! YES YES YES YES YES YES!!!! I'm going to kick back and not do a DAMN thing.

Good night all!

Preston

Confusion

Well dear readers, it has been a while since I posted of my latest goings on and general blatherings. Things have been going very off the wall for me to say the least. Lets start with work.

Work, yet another 4 letter word of the english language, has steadily become a nightmare from hell to say the least. With the firing of my ex David, the company hired a director of operations to which I now report. Also I was "hand picked" to be the Level 1 End User Support supervisor which means I now have the entire call center under me except for the 3 provider support guys. PLUS all the crap I was handling normally on top of this now. Needless to say things have been interesting and hectic at work.

Now time for personal (this is where it's going to get long). Things have been going okay for me. I am staying in my apartment since David is no longer getting the house in Holland because of the whole getting fired thing. Army boi (Dave) and I have been taking one day at a time. I really really really like this guy and from what it seems and what he says he really likes me also. I have made it known that I want to date him and he said (once I pried it out of him) that he wants to date me but is scared. Personally I can understand why because he has gotten screwed over in the past by a couple guys and that is just never an easy thing to get over but in the same breath I am not those guys. We have had a couple episodes where he has hurt me over the last few days but that's just because I was reading too much into things. Last wed night was a perfect example. I was having a really kinda depressed and down night getting things ready for the christmas party and just generally depressive state. I mentioned that I wanted someone to just hold me and after a little discussion he came over. He was EXTREMELY affectionate that night which was absolutely wonderful and just made me feel like I was on cloud nine. We retired and shared a VERY amazing experience. Well it came out that he didn't even remember the conversation we had leading up to his arrival and the only reason he came over was because he was horny. Talk about feeling used. I have a protective thing that happens when I get hurt....after I cry, all emotions are shut off except for the anger. Well I asked what he was thinking as I was smoking a cig and he just said "I screwed up big time I should have never came over wed." He eventually let it all out and started crying also because he had hurt me. Of course with that how could I not forgive him so I hugged him and said "it's okay baby I forgive you" and we retired to bed. SO with all that said and done I'm thinking "great we made a break through hopefully it won't be long then until he's ready to date." Well he came over last night and had been drinking again (not that much) but was really affectionate and just generally it was a good night. (notice a pattern of alcohol = affection yet?) When we got up this afternoon (granted yes all I felt like doing was staying in bed and not doing a damn thing but it was his birthday so I wanted to take him out to dinner but we got up so late it was time for him to meet his friend Tom. So the dinner was postponed, no big, but it was the fact that he didn't say very much and like he just wanted to get the hell outta here today that kind of disturbed me. OH WELL! Nothing I can do about issues that someone doesn't want me to help with. SO from this point forward I'm going to take the stance that if he wants to date me like he says he does he can come after me instead of me mindlessly pursuing something that I can never obtain and getting myself hurt countless times in the process. Yes dear reader you are probably thinking "WELL IT'S ABOUT FREAKIN TIME HE WOKE UP!" What can I say...I wear my heart and my emotions on my sleeve. What I feel for someone is just that...it's genuinely what I feel for that person.

BUT that is enough blathering on endlessly about my issues. How have you all been doing? ......

Preston

Ramblings

I have come to a not so startling conclusion as of late. Those whom we love can hurt us very deeply, without even trying. I feel my heart cannot bear another blow, another tear, another break, another scar to bear silently eating me away inside while I idly stand by and say "I want nothing more than your happiness."

I wear my emotions on my sleeve, I give willingly of myself to those I care about...and in return I am usually hurt....adding yet another scar to the many I bear each day. Hoping one day to find that special someone who will take my heart willingly and guard it as well as I do theirs.

Dave asked me if everything was okay tonight. I told him it wasn't and that it wasn't his battle but he offered me an ear anyway. That really means a lot to me. More than I'm sure he knows. I really like Dave...A LOT. But that's another story. Hopefully whatever he is stressing about I can help him with. He is a great person and I am very glad to have him in my life, in whatever form it may evolve into. Dave, if you're reading this, thank you for just being you. :)

That is all for tonight.

Things that make you go hmmmmmmm

Well folks things have been interesting, stressful, disappointing, happy, and wonderful at the same time. Professionally things have been busy and still kind of up in the air. I had a long conversation with our CEO the other day and well it seems as though things may be looking up with the company.

Personally things have been intriguing and I don't know what to do really. I've finally aired all my thoughts to Cory about his situation which made me feel better for a few minutes and it helped him wake up and realize what has been going on. On the other hand I absolutely adore Cory. He is a wonderful guy and very attractive. I have wanted him since I met him, however it was made apparently clear I can NEVER have him beyond a friendship. No big surprise there but it just hurt coming from David. Dave (my "friend" in the army) has been stressed lately and has been kind of recoiling away from me. Who knows what is going on there. I do really like him. I guess I need to stay single for a while even though David wants us to get back together. I haven't even been remotely interested in anything beyond just hanging out and maybe cuddling with someone lately. I think I'm just going to retreat into my world and only speak when spoken to and see what happens. There is no point in me even trying anymore with these guys or any point in me even remotely trying to put my heart out there again just to have it turned down. I don't know of I should leave my apartment now or not with the developments with David basically calling me a lying whore.

I'm sure some of you reading this are thinking "oh great he's throwing another pitty party" so I'm just going to cut this off here.

Later

Preston

Looking up

Things are looking up in my world. Life is starting to have some semblance of normalness to it again finally. I have been talking to a great guy named Dave. He has come over and hung out a couple times and we have been getting to know each other. TRULY an awesome guy. One of those guys that you know either will make one of the greatest friends or greatest bf's imaginable. So who knows we will see where that goes. He knows how I'm thinking of him so we will see where everything leads.

Mikey and Scott are doing WONDERFULLY! Mikey is getting SO excited about his trip to Seattle in 2 weeks. I can't wait to see Scott again when he flies back to Ohio. Scott is such a great guy it seems. I think he and Mikey are going to be together for a very long time.

Work has been going relatively well. I have been busy as hell with getting the phone system compliant with one of our largest customer's requirements. OH THE JOY! That has pretty much been work for me.

I am going to cut this off there since I don't have much to write about today.

Thinking of you! (you know who you are)

Preston